CAN YOU FORGIVE ME?
It’s finally Friday, GHers!
I have a confession to make, and it’s been weighing heavily on me all day. In fact, whenever I thought about posting, my heart rate increased.
Understand that I feel awful, and I feel as though I have let you guys down. Here goes –
I sat down with my family to watch General Hospital today (as I always do) with every intention of keeping a stiff upper lip, and every positive comment I read in the forefront of my mind as I pushed through the tough stuff we all knew we’d be getting. I am, after all, a pretty tough chick. Surely I could do this.
But I couldn’t.
I have to confess that I got through the first two JaSam segments, but I. Just. Could. NOT. Watch. Sam. Apologizing. Anymore!
Not For Anything Else!
I also couldn’t watch Sam, the mutha-effin’ VICTIM trying to help Jason, the mutha-effin non-victim, “deal with this”.
I think I actually heard something inside me break when Sam started crying and trying to explain why she was terrified and irrational and thinking with her heart, instead of her head.
I just couldn’t do it!
I’m so sorry! *sobs*
Then the guilt got to me, and I thought, “I’ll force myself to watch on YouTube” (since my area no longer has SoapNet), but the second time I could only get to the part where Jason is shouting at Sam for keeping another secret, and had to shut it off again!
Hey, Jason! F*&% the SECRET! Your wife was raped! RAPED! Yes, she suffered alone, but ASSHOLE, she is STILL SUFFERING! How about you help her, support her, HOLD HER!
OMG. *rocking back and forth*
I may never know what happened on General Hospital on April 19, 2012, because I am not sure I will EVER be able to get through these scenes between two strangers! (Well, maybe when I’m done PMSing, as Karina pointed out that I may have been in the throes of a hormonal imbalance)
All I know is that I shudder to think how these scenes are being received by people who have been actual victims of violent crimes, and are watching any victim’s worst nightmare play out onscreen – that somehow it’s your fault, or it’s something you should feel guilty about, or that you are suddenly unlovable.
*grabs 64th tissue*
I am holding on to the theories that this disaster will serve some greater good, or bring about some epiphany for Jason that will set him on a new path, but it’s been so hard! Thank you all for being my voices of reason when I needed them most.
YOU are The Beauty of GH!
I’m going to go weep silently into my pillow now, as to not wake my very patient hubby. Perhaps if I just get it all out…